the next day

Yep, kind of as if nothing happened yesterday. That's how things go.

Communication is really broken down. It's just the day to day stuff. My mom's English isn't so good or my understanding of it is disappearing, no way to talk about deep stuff.

Only Jesus can help us communicate now...prayer.



Henry Appenzeller is fighting for his life. His brother, Langston Hughes, is trying to help. They (my goldfish children) acted like this when I left before on trips, but this might be it for Henry. I think he knows I'm going for good this time. It's horrible to watch. I can't focus on my talks for Russia. Their tank is directly across from where my computer is. Too sad. Why do I have to watch this? I mean, if he could wait a week...


I'm only here one more week. I'll be boarding the plane at this time next week, heading to Russia for two weeks and then off to America. Transition time is like waiting in an airplane terminal. Nothing you can do but wait, no control just anxiety and expectation. You can feel the stress of others and the uncertainty of what will happen and when, you're all just waiting for the departure.

That's what life is though, mostly unconscious waiting for departure. There are moments when we realize that we're just living until the end. I mean, we know we need to make the most of every moment, but in the terminal, only so many times you can ride the walking escalator thing.

I can't watch him die. It's like watching my 5 years in Korea come to an end...it's probably time but I don't know if I'm ready to let go...