hiking indoors

So the family is working on the whole bonding thing. As of now, we're just all getting old and fat together (eating late at night). But when I came I told my step-dad I wanted to go hiking with him. He's in a club, they usually go on Tuesdays. He usually probably walks with his club like 5 hours but sometimes they push it and go 7 (which would usually include lunch and an hour nap). But he has gone 12 hours at Sorak Mountain. So yeah, figured best bonding would be to do something he enjoys. He gets bored easily, especially when he's not keeping busy so I figured what could be more perfect?

Well, it hasn't happened yet...but there are more talks about going and the guilt is getting to him. We're looking at this weekend but it'll probably rain. My plan B is...there's a hiking channel on the cable and you can watch whichever episode of hiking that you want. I say we watch something good, let it get engraved into our brains, then we can take the elevator down to the first floor (even with some backpacks and water), and then climb the stairs up with the images in our minds and come back down and then take the elevator home and eat yummy meat that we cook on a little portable gas range, turn the TV onto one of those mountain scenes and pause it and eat and bond. Good idea, right? I think it would be good.

Anyways, the regular TV is gone so it's like the end of the world over here. Grandma is bored to death but she's pretty old and lived a while before TV was even invented. Maybe she's forgotten those days. It's kind of pitiful, but she feels bad anyway (her back) and is chilling in her room, but it's sad because she doesn't have TV to entertain her...

Well, it's just like one evening, I think we'll all survive.

Joan of Arcadia, weight, nukes

I finished season 2 today. It ended so abruptly, I cannot believe it was not picked up for another season though season 1 was obviously much better than season 2. Yes, there have been some wonderful TV series but none like this. Most of those "religious" kind of "spiritual" shows are so cheesy (Touched by an Angel, ew). As far as I remember, Highway to Heaven was good but I'm sure if I watch it now, I wouldn't last 15 minutes. Joan of Arcadia, well, it's timeless. I mean, the first season was like 2003 or 2004 and well, 4 or 5 years later, the solid messages held strong. I think it dealt with God in a reasonable way, a way in which people could think and see how Jesus could apply to their everyday life. That's what it's about right, what evangelizing is? Anyways, I'm a little sad that it's over, but one day I'll get the DVDs or something and remember it fondly.

Today I got most of this editing thing done that I am doing for a theology grad student. It's pretty anti-American (though it's about the North Korean mission and peace and such), interesting for me to read. Oh well. Just doing my job, trying to make the grammar ok, if not good. It's not even an issue of grammar but more so an issue of making it academic which I am far from. What will I do in the coming years? Be real, I guess. I haven't written many legit papers in the last 5 years, so we'll see how it goes in grad school.

Got called fat by two people yesterday and short by another. The two were my aunt and grandpa and the other was my mom's friend who remembers me from when I was 6 and 13 (in which case I am taller than I was then, though I haven't grown that much since I was 13). The lack of height comment was nothing in comparison to my family saying I gained weight (regardless of the truth in the statement). Anyways, yeah, sure it's Korean culture to say people are fat and it's supposed to be written off as caring but that's some damaging stuff. I can get over it but the damage of the words are still there. I see pics of friends (via facebook) from high school and some have dramatically lost weight, others have drammatically gained it but here I am, about the same, and I'm ok. Definitely can't use Korean cultural standards as my measuring stick. I mean, yeah, I was affected by the words yesterday, but more so as a shock issue than it causing me to starve myself. But no wonder there are many eating disorders in this country. I'm often thankful for coming out of the American culture. It's not perfect but it's close enough for me.

So, I was checking out cnn.com and it said something about North Korea and the nukes and well, for a second, I was like, "That doesn't affect me." Then I remembered that I'm still in SOUTH KOREA and I clicked on the article and saw that something, maybe, good was happening. Sadly though, they could really use nuclear power for energy but there's no trust so it's all gotta go. But how quickly I displace myself. Will I keep up with it from the safety of Kentucky?

You know, I'm apparently going to a town of 5,900 or so people. I did not know this bit of info until the other day as I was looking for churches. Apparently Radcliff, KY has like 6 Korean churches but like nowhere else in Kentucky does. There's only 21,000 there. Crazy, eh? And Radcliff is a good 71 miles from Wilmore. So yeah. I grew up in a town of 4,411 people and then I spent the last 5 years in a city of 11 million and now I'm heading back to a town of nearly 6,000 so I'm not sure what to think. I mean, it's good I didn't know about all this while applying because it's likely I would have hesitated a bit longer. Exciting times, eh? Definitely in for some adventures. Are you guys ready? It's like I'm going back to high school as a more confident, semi-adult who's been out in the world a while. Could there be anything BUT adventures?!?

Oh, random news, but met up with two fellow Missourians here in Jeonju. Funny, huh? They are linked to my home church and people there and here I meet them where my mom lives where only like 400-600 other foreigners reside. Met the second dude yesterday. But yeah...before meeting him, I spent a couple hours in a coffee shop and read and thought. Been a while for that. That kind of freedom is something so easily taken for granted, and I don't mind staying here at my mom's for days and days but once you taste that "freedom" again, it's hard to forget it easily. But I need to buckle down and get things done. Only a few more weeks here in Korea, at my mom's. I really need to spend time with my mom too, not just in front of my computer. There may not be too much more from me while I'm here, but please don't give up on me. The shorter notes will be easier to read, right? And maybe I'll actually do some pen and paper journaling? oooohh.

By the way, the rioting in Seoul because of beef is just too much. Are they for real? Definitely got out of there in time...

tears and runny snot

Over garlic mashed potatoes and onion rings (all homemade by my mommy, it was lunch), my mom and I cried and blew our noses, talking about some things. It's not all out there but if it were, neither of us would function, I'm sure.

Was thinking...I have a short temper with her. Maybe it's because I don't feel like she could reject me any more than she has in the past. I realize that she takes it, although she yells at me to be nicer because if I'm a pastor I can't talk like that to people (that's correct but I don't want to hear it-short temper, duh-and whether I become a pastor or not, I really shouldn't talk to people so sharply anyway), but I guess she takes it from guilt. We talked and stuff...about other things.

Anyway, realized the other day how it's seriously God's grace that my mom and I can even communicate. And I realized how I survived in Korea for 5 years without knowing Korean...my mom uses weird English, like the grammar and vocabulary is her own. And although I learned correct grammar and pronunciation, I know her language too. When I talk with her and think about it, I find I get frustrated and misunderstand her a lot. When I just take it in, I understand her completely. I'm pretty decent at guessing what people will say, so then when I don't like what I think they will say, I get annoyed and short tempered.
For example of the vocab: "niv-a-gorce"...can you guess the meaning? It's "divorce," it's just the word she uses. I guess as she learned it, that's how she understood it and that's how she's said it for more than 30 years. Cultural differences, generational differences, and language differences, yet we still communicate. I'm praying this geographical difference won't get in the way...

Well, I need to go finish packing and the garlic and onions are fighting in my tummy...who will win? I can tell you for one thing, I already lost once. Ew.

reading

Besides the Bible reading that is finding its own regularity, I just finished A Tale of Three Kings by Gene Edwards...well, finished it a few days ago.

It's about submitting to church authority. Was pretty interesting. It broke down the relationships of Saul, David, and Absalom. The author is a pretty old dude and wrote this a couple decades ago but because of the Biblical-ness of it, still so applicable. The gist of it, what I got as a summary in my head/heart, is that we can't really know what or who's God-ordained (often takes hindsight) and sure it may seem it and at times it may seem not but isn't God in control of all of that. The book does state how we're talking about God's people. I mean, it mentions the issue of how sometimes things in this world have gotten better when the people overthrew their leader, but when we're talking about God stuff, the people are usually the dumb ones and God's the smartie, you know? Basically, thinking of how David acted with Saul...he didn't fight back, he dodged the spears, he was always blameless. And with Absalom, David didn't crush his own son, he didn't track him down or even fight back, he didn't become what Saul had been, David stayed David, a man after God's heart. David didn't know what was happening but he saw how he came into the position as king, it wasn't something he fought for, it was truly God's throne so he was willing to let go of it. Then translate this all to ministry, to pastors. I'm totally Absalom, or I've been Absalom. I allowed people to gather around and complain and share their problems and I had quick solutions that seemed perfect and would satisfy those who cared and I was able to lay out all the problems that plagued the ministry I was in, yet I acted as if I was doing something noble and not like I would overthrow anyone (I say that now). Yet, I see now how none of that was help and had I been called to stay here longer, well, I would have ended up throwing a revolt and having my own revolution overthrowing those seated as rulers in God's house. It's His house, the pastors, regardless of my opinion of their abilities, for now, they were placed there...I'm such the Absalom. But it really opened my eyes to the potential for me to be more like David. And David wasn't one just to submit and obey, he took off. He went alone (didn't even get manipulative and gather followers like I would have done, like Absalom did), he went to God. While hiding out in the caves, people showed up. They were a little rough around the edges, but you fast forward and you see that those are the ones who believed in him and stuck around while he was king and dealing with Absalom. Good stuff, good stuff.

The story itself is told in a sort of play-like fashion, like you're watching a play and seeing it all play out so it's not like reading some study on these Bible characters, which makes it easier to find your role in it all. It's simple and straight to the point. Anyone who has struggled with church authority or who is struggling with it, definitely a must-read. When I get back to the US, looking forward to finding more Gene Edwards books (AND reading them). He's got a lot. Interesting dude (I wikipedia-ed him---organic churches).

For now, I've finally gotten around to reading this book that was sent to me in preparations for Russia. It's by Adam Hamilton, a UMC (United Methodist Church) pastor in Kansas. The book is Selling Swimsuits in the Arctic, it's about church growth. It's short so I should have been able to read it in like one sitting but I'm pacing myself and taking notes (it's a borrowed book, good to have the choice quotes for later, you know?). So yeah, I should be done if I get back to it.

Still have boxes that need to be sent off. I think I can finish packing in like an hour tonight. It's so weird how I have so much junk, even after mailing off like 11 boxes! Since losing the big backpack I got, well, my travelling suitcase limit has been well, more limited so now I have to squish more in the suitcases I have. Whatever I send off I won't see for 3-4 months and the stuff I mailed off could get there between August and September. If it comes later than sooner, all I'll have is the stuff in my suitcases that I'm taking to Russia. And who knows what could get lost or stolen of that, trying to be prepared. But sometimes that kind of preparation is worthless. It's stupid that I'm still getting over the loss of some of my clothes. Ugh. But at least I didn't apply to the one-box seminary (not the name of the school but heard there is at least one seminary that only allows one box-good call though, do we really need so much stuff?). I can't imagine going to school with one box of stuff. It'd have to be a mighty big box. But as it is, I couldn't likely even get all the stuff I'm sending into a dorm room (though I have no idea what my room looks like or if I even have a roommate). Details. The plan is to start getting rid of these earthly possessions (not all, but more) when I get back. So many books. I like words, duh?

I have another topic I want to write on at the moment but I'll save it. So many words here...

Wow, so obviously I've broken so many grammatical rules that I would push in my classes such as NO But, And, So, or Because at the beginning of sentences (I think I would say that at least once a day, oftentimes, four or more times in one day)...whatever...hopefully my dear readers can see past the hypocrisy of my grammar along with the simply poor grammar. Oh, how I long to use bigger words, must learn some first, and to quit thinking that "today morning" is a correct phrase. I didn't do all that well learning Korean, so hopefully I can learn English when I go to America. ^_____^

Psalm 116:8-9

Initially, the hard part about starting this thing was coming up with a title. Silly, right? I put something for the sake of it but wasn't happy with it. I bothered to check to see if I could change it, and well, I could...then I had to come up with something new.

I opened up the ol' Bible for some inspiration, hoping to find one of those dependable, encouraging scriptures to give me something good. I ended up in Psalms and saw some words that popped out..."delivered...from death." I wanted to find something that summed up my time in Korea, that summed up the last 24 years. That seemed to do it. Well, not just the last 24 years but all of it, the past, present, future...I've been delivered from death and this is the result.

For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living.

It's time to go for that walk...

the beginning

Finally I shall start. Other things are ending which is why this is a beginning, but that's life, right?

I'm not really sure how this will go. I'll make attempts on real journaling on paper with a pen (if I still remember how to do that) and then hopefully transfer some of the highlights from that on here, but we'll see. Do people really read this stuff?

Either way I really need to get my thoughts down, at least for my sake. Going to be some intense awesomeness up ahead.

Well, dear readers (if there are any), I thank you and wish you well on this journey.