survival

I think I'm in survival mode. And I don't think it will last very long.

Seminary spoiler: apparently people in seminary aren't THAT different from people outside of seminary. The dorm, though containing people of varying ages and backgrounds, still is like Satan's playground in the sense of single women, many of whom hope to be married at some point (some sooner than others). I think I just hit this point of, was it enlightenment?, last semester going into the winter break where I realized that it really isn't or can't be about that. It's something so obvious to see, and to live it is not the easy path..but I'm here to know God, to go beyond the barrier of just knowing about God. Drama will find you wherever you go, but what will you do when it finds you?

How can the women here come together under that instead of be divided by it? The gossip and speculations (not that I'm above these things) simply help us destroy one another, no where near building each other up. How do you go beyond this? The change has to start here and I suppose it's a one-person-at-a-time sort of thing. But something needs to happen. This place should be safer than it is.

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Well, this week is going to be intense. I think I already had one of these earlier in the semester, but I've forgotten about what that was like and maybe it wasn't as bad but it was similar. Here I am again, looking at a similarly full week..and at this point I'm only concerned with survival.

Here's the song I'm listening to (over and over) right now:

"Hope Now" by Addison Road

If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours

(PRE-CHORUS)
I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

(CHORUS)
Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
This love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

You've become my hearts desire
I will sing Your praises higher
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

This love sets me free
Your love sets me free
This love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

"How quickly I forget I'm Yours/I'm not my own"..how true is that?

I'm already free in Him! Now I look to understanding what that freedom means..