another Sunday

Last week I checked out a church that is on the decline and has lost it's vision for the students of Wilmore. They are focusing on the community but ignoring the biggest part of the community, the Asbury College and ATS students. It reminded me of where I came from and the struggles I had there. It was a bit too much to take and I hate to think that it's where God's calling me. So this week I'm travelling into the big city to check out a Korean/English church. This week's service is bilingual. Honestly, with 3 chapels a week, 5 morning prayer times per week, I feel like that's enough Christian community. With even living in community, I feel like church is just another task and somehow seems to diminish the fact that church is about community and the Word and accountability and congregational worship. I get that stuff all week. I may be committing to the community for a while as opposed to going to a church each week. Will I get kicked out? I HAVE to serve in a church next semester so I need to find a place but at the same time, I don't want to get burned out. Plus, Sunday mornings are the quietest times here...haha.

The dynamics of this environment really got to me yesterday and last night and resulted in a loss of sleep. I find the desperation and giggliness of relationships a little more frightening than expected. I get that people are wanting to find someone to serve God in ministry with and that loneliness can hit you hard out here among the horse ranches, cattle and goats, and miles and miles of nothingness...but why does it have to get in the way of establishing solid brother-sister relationships. I think it even gets in the way of brother-brother and sister-sister relationships here. The realization of having to be very discerning and aware of the relationships I have, it's stressful and taking up valuable time. Yeah, I realize that's my own fault, I don't need to spend time concerned of such things, but I think I do. In a small community of young men and women who are called by God, single-ness is a serious reality. It's a reality that most want to remedy. It's definitely not something I intend to remedy this first semester. And as I live in a sort of fear of the way I interact, I miss out on life. Maybe the last five years were lessons in awkwardness to deal with the situations that could arise here. I guess to see if I learned anything in matters of relationships, I need to get my feet wet.

Besides those interactions, the reading is kicking my butt. I more or less need to read like one text book a day. This means like 4-600 pages of a book almost the size of a life application kind of Bible. No joke. And I should understand it? ha. Well, I'm trying and getting done what I can but I'm still processing this country and being here. I still have people to get back in contact with and those that I more recently departed from to continue contact with. It'll all happen, maybe not the way I want, but nonetheless...

So here's to another week. Need to make each one count!